Reacting to Things I Wrote as a Teenager Part 2

These excerpts are from Atlantean Alliance, the story of Tabby and Thomas’ honeymoon, in which the new bride mostly ignores her husband and plays with Furbys instead. (Original text in italics; today’s commentary in bold.)

Tabby, unaware of how fatigued she really was, slowly closed her eyelids in the circle of Thomas’ forelegs and fell into a deep slumber… Tabby didn’t know how much time passed while she was unconscious to the world; but when she finally awoke, she found herself laid out on a stone bench.

“Great, she fell asleep on our wedding night,” Thomas thought. “Why am I not surprised… I’m just going to toss her on the nearest stone slab.”

“I wonder if there were any Furby-abusers back then,” Thomas pondered. “Do you suppose there were laws for that sort of thing?”

He looked askance at the Furbys taking up the whole honeymoon. “Asking for a friend,” he added.

Tabby supposed that she would be expected to prepare meals now, since she was… married and all.

Yeah, know your place, Tabby. In the kitchen.

But her inability really hadn’t been talked about much up until the wedding.

In fact, she had spent the time leading up to the wedding assiduously avoiding as much conversation as possible with her intended.

Tabby wondered what Thomas thought on the matter.

Cuz it’s not like she could talk to him.

Meanwhile, Thomas was admiring the fine architecture of the Atlantean palace.

That’s about all there is to look forward to on this honeymoon.

He knew that in the end they would be forced to eat out every night.

Cuz he’s sure not setting hoof in the kitchen.

And surely Tabby would pick up some culinary abilities eventually.

Being female, it would just kind of happen.

She had been absent quite a long while, and it seemed like she should be getting bored with her surroundings by this point.

In fact, she might even be so bored as to be willing to talk to him.

“Oh, there you are!” she exclaimed. “I thought I’d never find you again.”

“I’d hoped–I mean thought,” she hastily amended.

“Just tell me you’re not planning on treating any more unsightly creatures while we’re here.”

Yes, Tabby, he’s only going to treat animals that meet your personal standards of beauty. Thomas, why did you marry her?

Tabby went on in a rush. “Well, since we’re married now and everything I thought maybe it would be fitting if I quit the Pokemon Center and came back to the vet clinic.”

“Because I am so over Pokemon and they’re about to get written out of the universe. Furbys are way better.”

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